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This piece by Scott Murray is 13 years old, yet it’s somehow timeless.

There’s no need to be raking over the ashes of the 1978 campaign again, other than to recall one of the great press conferences, poor Ally MacLeod bending down to stroke a stray dog in attempt to dodge the brickbats aimed at his noggin in the wake of Scotland’s miserable draw with Iran. “At least this wee fella loves me,” he simpered, nanoseconds before the cur sank its gnashers into the hand of the Souness-shunning sadsack.

• Defender was injured playing for Brazil against Senegal

• Havertz has ‘minor relapse’ in recovery from knee injury

Arsenal fear that Gabriel Magalhães could be out of action for at least a month after he sustained a thigh injury on international duty last week, with the Brazil defender expected to miss a crucial part of the season for the Premier League leaders.

Gabriel limped off during Brazil’s 2-0 win against Senegal in a friendly at the Emirates Stadium on Saturday and returned to the club for more tests this week after it was confirmed he had sustained a muscle injury in his right thigh.

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Going into their Geopolitics World Cup qualifier against Norway on Sunday, the only way Italy could ensure they overtook Erling Haaland and chums to finish top of Group I was by hammering them by nine clear goals. It was a tough ask against a side who had shipped only four in total during their previous seven qualifiers and despite giving it their best shot the Italians came up woefully short, coming out on the wrong end of an embarrassing 4-1 hiding that prompted Gennaro Gattuso to flag up his side’s “fear and fragility”. Fairly certain that the automatic qualification jig was up before the match had even started, Italy’s head coach had used his pre-match presser to get his excuses in early by railing at the injustice of a qualification system that dictates European heavyweights such as Italy can win six of their eight qualifiers and get dumped into the fraught hellscape of the playoffs, while teams in other Fifa postcodes (yes you, Paraguay) can win just six of their 18 and nail down a spot at next summer’s dynamically priced jamboree in North America. He also had a moan about the increasing number of African teams (from two in his playing days to nine in the expanded tournament) who get World Cup places, in comments that many on the continent in question and elsewhere considered Eurocentric, dismissive and downright offensive.

Re professionals playing with rank amateurs (Football Daily passim), I ran the second team at a Southern Amateur League club in the 90s (the same one that Max Rushden played for). We ran nine teams every Saturday and the captain of the fifth team told me in the bar one Saturday evening that a mate of a mate from New Zealand had filled in last minute (no subs in those days). They stuck him at left-back and he scored five goals. I told said Kiwi that he would be straight up to the second team the following week (bypassing the club’s strict ‘one team at a time’ selection rules) but he had to decline as he would be on a week-long trial at Leicester City. Not sure if he ever made it but he is possibly the only player ever to get five goals from left-back (normally the worst player on any amateur team)” – Ben Gibbes.

At Los Angeles’s Dorsey High School playing field, Saturdays were practice days for a squad I played with on Sundays where the talent varied from ex-internationals, ex-junior internationals, the rest of us and one guy that showed up one day for practice. He had that familiar ‘bay’ styled hairstyle: short back and sides with a bit of a hill on top. Everything he did happened fast but it barely looked like he ever ran at all. Later after a commanding performance he sat on the passenger side of a new silver S-class Merc changing. A young Mikel John Obi, then between Manchester United and Chelsea” – Reggie Akpata.

Back in the day I played for teams in the Walsall & District League (Premier Division, no less). I had just signed for Highgate FC but my registration had not come through by the time of our match against deadly rivals New Fullbrook. I was a substitute and told to use the name Tony Smith if I came on. Problem was that at that time in my life I was a solicitor and the referee was a current client. When I was eventually called on to the pitch the referee checked his book and said, ‘I can’t see your name Simon!’ ‘I’m Tony Smith ref,’ I said sheepishly. The referee looked perplexed. Fortunately the New Fullbrook players (who had obviously seen me play) shouted at the ref to let me on. I left the legal profession not too long after that” – Simon Manton.

Sad to hear that former Spurs winger Tony Galvin has suffered a stroke. To most non-Spurs fans, he was probably one of the less familiar faces from the great Keith Burkinshaw teams of the late 70s and first half of the 80s. But as a White Hart Lane regular, watching him fly down the left wing to latch on to a Glenn Hoddle pass was a great sight. Then it was a beeline to the corner flag, from where he’d swing in a cross for the likes of Crooks, Archibald or Falco. Potent combinations. Today’s Spurs players would be envious of his two FA Cups and one Uefa Cup, an excellent team man. Best wishes to him for a full and speedy recovery” – Christian Goldsmith.

Vancouver Rise were crowned Canada’s first champions of the new professional league which has exceeded expectations in terms of tickets sold and viewing figures

In the words of Christine Sinclair, the all-time international top scorer for men or women: “What a difference a year makes.” On Saturday at BMO Field in Toronto, Vancouver Rise became the first champions of the inaugural Northern Super League season. It was a triumphant conclusion to a history-making campaign that has set the ball rolling for professional women’s football in Canada.

In front of 12,429 spectators, Anja Heiner-Møller’s side put on a display of perseverance to claw their way back to win 2-1 against AFC Toronto, the winners of the regular season’s Supporters’ Shield. A half-hour lightning break and deluge of rain did little to stunt the quality on show on the pitch and the enthusiasm off it.

Philadelphia Union sporting director Ernst Tanner denies the allegations, which prompted a recently-concluded MLS investigation that could not corroborate them

• Read a summary of our investigation here

From a box above the field at PayPal Park in San Jose, Ernst Tanner looked on. It was 10 June 2023, and his Union team were losing a physical match 2-1 to the San Jose Earthquakes. Jamiro Monteiro, a player Tanner had brought to the Union in 2019 before trading him to San Jose, was being substituted. Monteiro, clearly exhausted, trudged to the Earthquakes’ bench as referee Nima Saghafi extended his arm and ushered him along, briefly making contact.

It wasn’t the first time Saghafi had touched the midfielder. In the first half, with Monteiro on the ground after being sent flying by a tackle, Saghafi placed his hand on Monteiro’s back, a small gesture meant to show concern.

Made multiple misogynistic comments, including saying “women don’t belong in men’s soccer” about a female MLS referee and telling a gathering of academy players that they “should never worry about a referee, unless she’s a woman.”

Spoke about Black players “like they were subhuman” and suggested that Black referees “lack intelligence and capability.”

Touched a co-worker inappropriately “numerous times,” an allegation for which he was reported to the Union’s HR department.

Hired an underqualified coach who was allegedly abusive toward players on the Philadelphia Union II, the club’s reserve team that is used as a proving ground for young players from its thriving academy.

• Coach has no regrets at dropping Earps for Hampton

• Earps criticised Wiegman’s decision in her autobiography

Sarina Wiegman has defended promoting Hannah Hampton to be England’s first-choice goalkeeper ahead of Mary Earps, saying she makes “decisions to win”, after Earps criticised the head coach’s move in her autobiography.

Wiegman, speaking at Wembley after the announcement of her squad for fixtures against China and Ghana, said she had “really enjoyed working with Mary” and would cherish their time together with England but that she would make the same decision again.

Bellingham’s dramatic 95th-minute bicycle kick prompted an unfettered outpouring of emotion for England fans

How vociferously are you allowed to celebrate a goal as a 30-year-old? This was the only thing that tempered my jubilation on 30 June 2024, a moral quandary amid the elation, the beer sweat, the tears.

As I dragged my heavy legs away from the Greenwich beer garden which that day became a golden English garden, having inadvertently collided with my friend’s chin while celebrating Jude Bellingham’s brilliant bicycle kick, I was hit with a pang of shame.

Simon Leaf combines multimillion-pound deals with advising footballers diagnosed with serious heart conditions

Simon Leaf was sitting in the doctor’s office next to a footballer receiving news that would change the player’s life. The footballer knew something wasn’t quite right and medical tests had been ordered. This was not long after Fabrice Muamba had been saved by the speed of paramedics after having a cardiac arrest on the pitch at White Hart Lane, Leaf recalls, so tensions were heightened.

As the player’s lawyer, Leaf was asked to attend when the worst was confirmed and the consultant revealed the player had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy – the same condition as Muamba, where the heart muscles thicken and blood is pumped less efficiently.

You may have thought Qatar and Russia were tournament lows. You didn’t account for the US president and his Fifa soulmate, Gianni Infantino

“It’s very clear,” claimed haunted Fifa cue-ball Gianni Infantino not so long ago, “that politics should stay out of football and football should stay out of politics.” But is it clear? Is it really? On Monday, the worst man in world sport was – yet again – to be found in the Oval Office, this time nodding along to Trump’s declaration that games could be moved from host cities for next summer’s World Cup if the US president deems there’s “a problem” with security or that the cities are non-compliant in some other way. In practice, that seems to mean if they’re run by a Democrat/“communist”. Amazing that the Fifa president will gladly allow his tournaments to be held in any old violent autocracy but, for the purposes of the White House cameras at least, might need to draw the line at Boston.

Honestly, the very sight of Infantino these days causes decades of writing about Fifa to flash before my eyes. How could it have happened? How could we have ended up with an even bigger horror in charge of world football’s governing body than the various ones who went before? When Sepp Blatter was thrown from a moving gravy train in 2015 amid an explosive corruption scandal, it would have felt like a genuine feat of sporting excellence to have beaten his record for craven awfulness.

Marina Hyde is a Guardian columnist

A year in Westminster: John Crace, Marina Hyde and Pippa Crerar
On Tuesday 2 December, join Crace, Hyde and Crerar as they look back at another extraordinary year, with special guests, live at the Barbican in London and livestreamed globally. Book tickets here or at guardian.live

DR Congo won a tense penalty shootout 4-3, leading Éric Chelle, the Nigeria manager, to allege ‘maraboutage’

Thirty-one years ago Nigeria burst on to the global stage in a golden summer at the 1994 World Cup in the US, impressing with a do-or-die attitude that helped them top their group and come within two minutes of reaching the quarter-finals by beating Italy. But the Super Eagles will not be returning to North American soil for next summer’s tournament – and they are not blaming their shooting boots.

After a fraught and dramatic continental playoff final on Sunday, where Nigeria were eliminated by DR Congo on penalties, the Super Eagles manager, Éric Chelle, said that his team had been defeated by “voodoo”.

Troy Parrott’s last-gasp goal and DR Congo’s triumph proved once again why the best soccer is almost never about the soccer

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Last Thursday, Irish football was in a bleak place. They had two games remaining in World Cup qualifying and apparently no hope of making it to North America next summer. Another campaign had collapsed in predictable ways: they couldn’t score, they made bafflingly simple errors, too few of their players play for elite sides and those that do seemed unable to reproduce club form for their country.

Their one possible star, Evan Ferguson, had not been energised by a move to Roma – quite the reverse – and although there was vague talk of a new contract for their manager, the amiable Icelandic dentist Heimir Hallgrímsson, everybody thought he would be off after the game in Hungary and was vaguely dreading another Football Association of Ireland recruitment saga, which would inevitably take months, throw up a series of implausible names and result in the job being given to Hallgrímsson’s assistant, John O’Shea.

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Julieta Makintach’s role in a documentary series about negligence case over football star’s death led to mistrial

An Argentinian judge has been fired after causing a mistrial in the negligence case against the late football legend Diego Maradona’s medical team due to her involvement in a documentary about it.

A special panel of judges, lawyers and provincial legislators dismissed Julieta Makintach, 48, from her post and disqualified her from holding any other judicial position in the future.

• Belgian back in work after sacking by Rangers in February

• ‘Excited’ about taking over at Championship strugglers

Norwich have confirmed the appointment of Philippe Clement as the club’s head coach. The Belgian – sacked by Rangers in February – replaces Liam Manning, who left Carrow Road before the international break with Norwich second bottom of the Championship.

Manning lasted only 17 games, having been appointed in the summer. Under him, Norwich have lost all of their home matches so far this season.

• Woltemade on target as Germany cruise to 6-0 victory

• Netherlands secure place with 4-0 win against Lithuania

Germany secured a place at next year’s World Cup by crushing Slovakia 6-0 in their final qualifier, pummelling them into submission with four goals in the first half and sending their opponents into a playoff in March.

The four-time world champions, who went out in the first round of the last two editions of the World Cup, finished top of their group, three points clear of Slovakia.

Ticket-holders to be fast-tracked for visa screening while Trump again threatens to relocate games from some cities

The Trump administration on Monday unveiled a new fast-track visa system for the millions of visitors expected to come to the US for the 2026 World Cup, but said fans could still be denied entry to the country despite holding tickets.

The Fifa prioritized appointment scheduling system, announced at the White House on Monday, will push World Cup ticket-holders to the front of the line for visa interviews. However, secretary of state Marco Rubio made clear that expedited processing does not mean automatic entry.

• FA offers up to six sessions via Sporting Chance

• Latest figures show rise in discrimination charges

The Football Association is offering free counselling and mental-health support to victims of hate and discrimination in grassroots football.

Discriminatory abuse is on the rise at grassroots level. In surveys 70% of participants including players, referees and spectators told the governing body that poor behaviour had a major impact.

Chelsea lose ground in title race at Liverpool while Arsenal struggle to find their shooting boots

When Alyssa Thompson fired in a superb ninth-minute opener, Chelsea looked on course for another routine win. However, Liverpool’s defence held firm and the Reds levelled in the 33rd minute and held out until half-time. The Chelsea manager, Sonia Bompastor, introduced further attacking options in the second half, including Lauren James and Aggie Beever-Jones, but a solid defensive display from Liverpool ensured Chelsea were unable to find a winner as the hosts earned their second point of the season. Although the result did mean Chelsea set a record of 34 successive unbeaten WSL games, clearly all is not well with the defending champions. Last season they had 27 points after nine games and led the way, this campaign they have eight fewer and are three points behind Manchester City. Réshma Rao

Match report: Tottenham 0-0 Arsenal

Late winners, controversies and England embarrassment all feature in this World Cup-themed quiz

The former Liverpool and Osasuna player on his coaching journey, redemption in Spain and working with Sven-Göran Eriksson

“I went to a very good school, believe it or not. A grammar school. We had Spanish lessons, but I didn’t take Spanish. I thought: ‘What’s a hairy-arsed kid from the Liverpool ghetto going to need that for?’ And lo and behold …”

It’s late in Bilbao, back in the country that changed him, and a glass of wine rests on the table in front of Sammy Lee, who is grinning again. It’s been an emotional evening and a long night: a lot of laughs, some tears too, talking life at Liverpool and the life that came next. “For me, it’s about coaching even more than playing,” the European champion and former England assistant says. “And that started here.”

More than 50,000 fans cheered on Ihab Abu Jazar’s team with the coach and players ‘shocked’ by the outpouring of support during their visit

“We are more than a national team, we represent a story of pain but also hope,” Ihab Abu Jazar said, “and we are not alone.” At 8.26pm on Saturday the Palestine coach, whose father was killed in the Israel-Gaza war and whose siblings now live in tents in Khan Younis, emerged from the tunnel and took his place by the bench at San Mamés, Bilbao. Dressed in black, a keffiyeh over his shoulders, he watched 11 men in red, “a team of refugees playing for Palestinians all over the world”, and listened to 51,396 people applaud them, chanting for their freedom.

“We don’t play just to win; we play to exist,” he had said in the days before Palestine played their first game in Europe, an occasion that turned out to be bigger than even he had imagined: “The most important day in my life”, a “historic” night that “all the words in the world can’t explain”. They didn’t win – they were a goal down within four minutes and lost 3-0 against the Basque national team – but they competed, and it wasn’t about that. In fact, when Zaid Qunbar looked like he might equalise after 12 minutes the whole of this vast stadium cheered him on, roaring the opposition striker running towards their goal.

The Spain Under-21 centre-back on his club’s ‘crazy’ defensive numbers, his dual identity and his love of multicultural London

“Jesus Christ! All I want to do is get you in a straight bloody line. What do I have to do?” Gerald asks. So Horse says: “It’s the Arsenal offside trap, isn’t it?” Lomper here becomes Tony Adams, and Cristhian Mosquera starts to laugh.

The Spain Under-21 international is sitting at a table in the team hotel in Lugo, Galicia. Through the window, the sound of rain falling; in front of him, the famous scene from The Full Monty, cinematic representation of a defence so perfect, so instantly identifiable it became part of popular culture; a backline never to be bettered. Until now?

World Cup could still be in reach for the last genius of Brazilian football who has faded to a shadow of his former self

What’s your favourite Neymar advert? This is a tough question to answer. The body of work is huge and varied. The foot deodorant ad perhaps, which depicts Neymar’s feet literally on fire, ablaze with some kind of divine eau de toenail.

Or the new one for a brand of açaí berry death-gloop sorbet product, which shows Neymar holding up twin cones, like phials of luminous unicorn-sperm, and looking as though he’s just been hit over the head with a rock and it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to him.

• League will also move to a single-table format

• Season will start in July and end in May

The MLS board of governors have voted to change the league’s schedule to more closely align with the European calendar, with seasons beginning in the late summer and ending in the spring.

The league announced the change after a board meeting in Palm Beach, Florida on Thursday. The league will begin its season in mid-July, take a winter break starting in mid-December, then restart games in the first or third week of February (avoiding Super Bowl week).

The Reggae Boyz are well placed to play on the biggest stage for the first time since 1998 and lift a nation needing hope in a time of adversity

Steve McClaren has spoken of a determination to put “a smile on people’s faces” in Jamaica. Over the next six days the former England manager has a golden chance to do so by guiding Jamaica to the World Cup when they play for the first time since Hurricane Melissa.

The devastating category 5 storm that made landfall on the island on 28 October is known to have killed 45 people there and displaced tens of thousands of households, with hundreds still in emergency shelters. The prime minister, Andrew Holness, said it had caused damage to homes and key infrastructure roughly equal to the value of a third of the country’s gross domestic product.

As Asia’s allocation has now doubled, many nations look to foreign-born talent to push them towards qualification

When the United Arab Emirates line up against Iraq on Thursday for the fifth and final round of Asian qualification for next year’s World Cup, it is likely that over half of the home starting XI in Abu Dhabi will be foreign-born. The UAE are, however, merely another participant in a naturalisation arms race in the continent that has been boosted by the expansion of the World Cup from 32 teams to 48.

Asia’s allocation has doubled from four automatic spots in Qatar to eight in North America, opening up the tournament to a new array of contenders desperate to play on the greatest stage of all. Japan, South Korea, Iran, Saudi Arabia and Australia have historically dominated World Cup qualifying, with North Korea the most recent outlier in 2010. Those six are the only teams from the Asian Football Confederation to make more than one appearance at the tournament.

As the first female president in Ternana’s hundred-year history, the 23-year-old has ambitions to change the game

“There are still some preconceptions because football has long been a man’s world,” says Claudia Rizzo, “but I think things are changing. Women can bring a different point of view, an added value even in this field.”

At 23, Rizzo has made history. In September the entrepreneur became president of Ternana Calcio, a Serie C club from Umbria, becoming the first woman in the club’s hundred-year history to hold the role. “It’s a huge responsibility, but also an opportunity to bring something different,” she says. “I want to prove that women can lead in football just as they do in any other field.”

On the bench in Madrid and out of the England squad, the full-back has no one to fight his corner – so will have to do it himself

“He chose to start from zero. To keep showing up, day by day. It was about respect, courage and a genuine desire to belong. What I saw was a person growing beyond himself. In football, words can build trust, connection, identity. That is what true professionalism really looks like.” Well, at least someone is pleased with Trent Alexander-Arnold’s progress at Real Madrid. Unfortunately, it happens to be Sara Duque, his language teacher.

When Alexander-Arnold filmed a video in hesitant but really very good Spanish for Duque’s Instagram page, it’s fair to say it wasn’t received entirely in the spirit of pride and achievement it was intended. Very quickly, internet auditors started to do the maths. Alexander-Arnold claimed to have been learning Spanish for five months, which meant he must have started in May, when – gasp – he was still under contract at Liverpool. Rat, scum, traitor, etc. Perhaps, judging by how well he spoke at his unveiling in June, he had been under Duque’s tutelage even earlier. All of which brought to mind the old Frank Skinner joke (although others have claimed it) about John Lennon airport. A fitting tribute, seeing as it was the first place he went after making a bit of cash.

Mohamed Salah has drifted from crucial to peripheral in big games, and Arne Slot’s decision to keep picking him is strange

There must be blame. We need heads on the battlements. We need entrails, horses, chains, a public quartering. Basically we just need to feel something. We need, above all, to feel that this is all someone’s fault.

This is how elite football must function now. The Dalai Lama once said that instead of looking to blame others we should look for answers within ourselves, which just goes to show how wrong you can be and is, frankly, very disappointing from the Dalai Lama.

This match was as dismal as last season’s Europa League final and in a routine league game nerves are no excuse

Never underestimate the haplessness of this Manchester United. Never underestimate the haplessness of this Tottenham Hotspur. Never underestimate the capacity of the Premier League to uncover drama in the least plausible situation. The embers of a game of little quality seemed cold and dead but somehow burst into glorious flame in the final six minutes plus stoppage time.

What it means is anybody’s guess, other than that these are two sides who remain deeply flawed. The shadow of Bilbao and last May’s Europa League final was unavoidable; in purely technical terms, that game was just as bad as the first 84 minutes of this one, but it at least had a sense of edge. Nervousness is permissible if there is something to be nervous about. Such scrappiness in a routine league meeting is far less explicable.

The Real Madrid midfielder is part of an attack-minded squad but the manager will be watching him carefully

One snub was enough. Another and it would have started to look vindictive from Thomas Tuchel, who is far too wily not to know that winning the World Cup is probably going to require help from Jude Bellingham, even if it is also on the midfielder to fit into the tactical structures and squad hierarchies required with England now that he is back in Tuchel’s warm embrace.

The manager wants Bellingham’s edge, his fire, but it is about using it in the right way. Individual quality matters but England know from bitter experience that there is a price to pay when celebrity takes over. Still, a point has been made.

Our cartoonist on how the US president’s actions in office may have put him in line for an award

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It starts with singing, banter or enthusiastic goal celebrations – and leads to so much more. Six groups of fan friends share how they met

Like so many football fans, I have my own routines and rituals with which I tie together the home games of a league season. Last year, one such routine involved the older gentleman in the seat to my right. I’d nod hello and, above the strains of pre-match music, ask him what he thought of Norwich’s chances – 23 times I asked, and 23 times he replied along the lines of: “We’ll probably get thumped” or “I don’t see where our goals are coming from.” A shred of contempt would be spared for the referee. Always, the referee was known to him and, always, I’d be forewarned that this or that referee was an “arsehole”, a “wanker”, or – once – “an arsehole and a wanker”.

This neighbour of mine was a retired engineer, a Norfolk boy, and a follower of both first team and academy, home and away. He was just one of thousands with a season ticket at the back of Carrow Road’s lower Barclay stand: a Saturday afternoon companion, a stranger at the start of the last season who became a little less strange as the matches went by. I was able to glean, for example, that after decades of loyal (if pessimistic) fandom, he would soon be moving to Yorkshire with his partner, unable to ignore his dreams of the Dales. He had already decided that he wouldn’t be renewing his season ticket. My first year in this part of the ground was his last.

Assistant coach is using psychological, tactical and physical profiling to help Thomas Tuchel give his England team an edge at the World Cup

Ten years ago, life looked a little different for Anthony Barry. The England assistant coach, whose focus is fixed on helping Thomas Tuchel win the World Cup next summer – nothing less – was playing for Accrington Stanley in League Two. He was in the twilight of a career spent in the bottom two divisions of the Football League and in non-league, and he had taken the first step on the journey that would define him, accepting a voluntary position as the Accrington Under-16s coach.

“It was in the evenings, third of a pitch, asked to do 11 v 11 … flat balls, not enough bibs,” Barry says with a smile. “I was hooked. I’d found what I was destined to do and I thought about what it could become. I’m pretty sure nobody else could see it. But that’s part of dreams.”

Afghan Women United is comprised of players forced to flee their homeland and is another step in beating barriers

“When I step on to the pitch everything else is automatically erased from my mind,” says the captain of Afghan Women United, Fatima Haidari, when asked how football helps her cope with the traumas she has suffered.

“I train, I play, and a fire inside me is lit, not just because of the power that I feel at that moment as a player, but because I feel I have many other girls with me. It’s like I’m taking their hands. Like I’m playing with them. It’s not just for me, and I feel powerful.”

In an exclusive extract from her autobiography, goalkeeper reveals the painful road to her shock England exit

England felt like such a safe space for me. It was usual to have a team review after a big tournament and after the Euros in 2022 we came together in the Club England meeting room at St George’s Park, the team’s headquarters.

The emotional security that I felt within England was bolstered by the culture and values that had underpinned and contributed to our success. Non-collegiate behaviour was not tolerated. We came back together to the news that Hannah Hampton had been dropped from the squad: her behaviour behind the scenes at the Euros had frequently risked derailing training sessions and team resources.

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Football Daily, for research/self-loathing purposes, recently sat through Cristiano Ronaldo’s latest chat with Piers Morgan. Among many moments of hubris, self-celebration and smoke being blown up the great man’s rear end by the ever-willing Morgan, Ronaldo took a typical moment of quiet self-reflection. “I think in the world, nobody is more famous than me,” he trumpeted, Piers nodding along obediently. “Let’s debate it – who’s more famous, me or Donald Trump?” Though such a pointless debate might provide welcome distraction for a president rather uncomfortably named in some emails making the news at the moment, it has very little to do with what Ronaldo is famous for. While doing his day job he had a very bad time in Dublin, as Portugal went down 2-0 to an inspired Republic of Ireland side.

Loosely on the theme of the Wythenshawe FC story doing the rounds (Football Daily letters passim), I have a mildly amusing tale from the late 90s. I played in a bang-average, typically hungover, Sunday League pub team in Exeter. Several of my teammates and I were friends and occasional drinking buddies with a couple of the younger Exeter City players, who popped in the boozer in their downtime. After a particularly enjoyable Saturday night in the pub, following a rare Grecian home win, one of the players had joined us to celebrate, and, inevitably, we cajoled him into playing for us the following morning. No one expected the player to show, but there he was, boots and all, outside the pub at 9.30am. We didn’t think he’d actually play! We were away to a village team, miles away, and with a TQ postcode. None of us knew the place, but the collective assumption was that it ‘must be near Torquay’, reducing the likelihood anyone would recognise the player. He was normally an unused sub, with the occasional run-out. So we were confident he’d blend in. As we approached the car park at the pitch, there was a collective meltdown when we were greeted by a couple of lads in Exeter shirts! It turns out this village is split between City and the Greenies down the road. The postcode was a total red herring! So our ringer decided to risk it, gave the ref a fake name, and proceeded to boss the entire game. One of the City shirt-wearing lads asked us outright if that in fact was the player. We nonchalantly explained it was actually his younger brother, and that we were chuffed that he plays for us when he visits ‘big bro’. They bought it. We had to sub him, though. He was running rings around the opposition, to the point that a rather robust midfielder, who only had one arm, got sent off for trying to crock the player. We feared what his colleagues might do, and not wanting a showdown with Peter Fox and Noel Blake (ECFC’s management duo at the time), we decided not to chance it again. After that, the player himself seemed to spend more time in the pub than playing and was unsurprisingly released” – Jim Hughes.

I can’t be the only avid reader of literary novels to wonder where Lee Child gets his inspiration for naming characters in his Booker prize-winning Reacher series. By page 44 in his latest I’ve come across a David Moyes, a Steve McClaren, a Kelleher, a Walker and a Dominic (Szoboszlai or Solanke?). By page 66 I’m expecting the supervillain to be a certain Bruno Fernandes. Or does your other reader have another suggestion?” – John Murphy.

While there are promising signs of Swiss growth, there is some way to go to cement lasting legacy for the tournament

Switzerland were the toast of the continent this summer as hosts of the Women’s European Championship. The national team reached the quarter-finals for the first time and a total of 623,088 were in attendance at the 31 matches, a tournament record. The hope within Switzerland was for a boost at club level similar to what England experienced three years previously. Those heights have not been reached, but there has been a definite bump.

According to Switzerland’s football association, their Women’s Super League has enjoyed a 62% increase in attendances this season, with an average attendance of 787. While that does not compare with the huge spike England’s Women’s Super League had after Euro 2022 – an average attendance increase of 172% the following season – it is still encouraging.

This is an extract from our free email about women’s football, Moving the Goalposts. To get the full edition, visit this page and follow the instructions. Moving the Goalposts is delivered to your inboxes every Tuesday and Thursday.

Admittedly in the Champions League’s shadow, the Europa Cup does offer fresh opportunities for the game to develop

It may be news to some, but there is a new competition kicking off in Europe this week. With qualifying complete, the business end of the Women’s Europa Cup gets under way on Wednesday. It will mark another milestone in women’s football, a side of the sport that is constantly evolving and developing.

Starting with the round of 16, teams will embark on a journey of two-legged knockout ties that lead to the inaugural final. The winner will also be decided across two legs, due to take place in May and June next year.

This is an extract from our free email about women’s football, Moving the Goalposts. To get the full edition, visit this page and follow the instructions. Moving the Goalposts is delivered to your inboxes every Tuesday and Thursday.

The defending Premier League champions spent big over the summer, but it’s hard to see how the new players fit

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What was it supposed to look like? Amid all the talk around Liverpool and their disappointing form at the start of this season, that is perhaps the hardest question of all to answer. What were they trying to do? If it had worked, how would this team have played?

The champions spent £424m (about $550m) on new signings in the summer, but if all had gone well, they would have spent an additional £40m ($53m) to land the Crystal Palace centre-back Marc Guéhi. The England international would, at the very least, have given an extra option at the back (the injury to Giovanni Leoni has diminished their defensive options further), allowing Arne Slot to rest Ibrahima Konaté, whose poor form continued in the 3-0 defeat to Manchester City on Sunday. An early City penalty was a direct result of Konaté getting in Conor Bradley’s way as Jérémy Doku cut in from the left.

Max Rushden is joined by Dan Bardell, Jacob Steinberg and Sam Dalling as Republic of Ireland beat Portugal 2-0 to reignite hopes of a World Cup playoff place

Rate, review, share on Apple Podcasts, Soundcloud, Audioboom, Mixcloud, Acast and Stitcher, and join the conversation on Facebook, Twitter and email.

On the podcast today; Republic of Ireland’s dreams of qualifying are kept alive by Troy Parrott. His brace capped off a superb Irish performance as they beat Portugal 2-0 at home. Made all the sweeter by a Cristiano Ronaldo red card and subsequent tantrum.

Plus: more football records that were rapidly broken and Home Nations players from the crown dependencies

• Mail us with your questions and answers

“In September, Lithuania became the lowest Fifa-ranked country (143rd) to score against the Netherlands, who were ranked seventh,” writes Pete Tomlin. “That means a difference of 136 places between the two countries. I have two questions upon hearing this – which is the lowest-ranked team to score against England (since the rankings began in 1992) and what is the biggest difference between teams where the lower-ranked team has scored? I was thinking of the respective rankings at the time the matches took place rather than current rankings.”

The Netherlands, who won that match 3-2 in September, will meet Lithuania in the return fixture on Monday. The respective rankings are now sixth and 146th so the gap will be 140 places if Lithuania manage to score in Amsterdam.

65 North Macedonia 1-1 England, November 2023

75 Albania 1-3 England, March 2001

87 Macedonia 1-2 England, September 2003

91 England 2-2 Macedonia, October 2002

116 Northern Ireland 1-0 England, September 2005

118 Malta 1-2 England, June 2000

120 England 5-3 Kosovo, September 2019

122 San Marino 1-7 England, November 1993

131 England 5-1 Kazakhstan, October 2008

Matt Le Tissier England, 8 caps, 1994-97 (b Guernsey)

Maya Le Tissier England, 10 caps, 2022- (b Guernsey)

Graeme Le Saux England, 36 caps, 1994-2000 (b Jersey)

Kieran Tierney Scotland, 50 caps, 2016- (b Isle of Man)

Faye Carruthers is joined by Marva Kreel and Tim Stillman to dissect a dramatic WSL weekend and look ahead to the Women’s Champions League

On today’s pod: VAR talk dominates again after Arsenal’s 1-1 draw with Chelsea, with disallowed goals and missed cards prompting calls for more support for referees in the WSL. Should VAR-lite or semi-automated offside be introduced?

Elsewhere, Manchester United suffered their first defeat of the season against a resurgent Aston Villa. Manchester City took full advantage to go top with a hard-fought win over Everton. How long will it be before Marva is allowed to cut her hair?

Everton duo stake England claim, Jaydee Canvot steps up for Crystal Palace, and Benjamin Sesko struggles to settle

Amid the headlines about Phil Foden and Jude Bellingham being recalled for England, there was a little less said about Nico O’Reilly being named in Thomas Tuchel’s squad. Myles Lewis-Skelly paid the price for his lack of game time and now the City man gets his opportunity to stake a claim for a World Cup spot. The 20-year-old now goes into camp having become the latest defender to shut out Mohamed Salah. That’s less of an achievement than it used to be, but O’Reilly still had to show tenacity and patience against this nuggety, late-era version of the Egyptian superstar. The City full-back nicked the ball off his man regularly – much to the delight of the home fans – and got forward to decent effect, too. If Pep Guardiola trusts O’Reilly in the biggest games and he can avoid injury there is no reason to think that the City academy graduate cannot make England’s most open position his own. Tom Bassam

Match report: Manchester City 3-0 Liverpool

Match report: Aston Villa 4-0 Bournemouth

Match report: Crystal Palace 0-0 Brighton

Match report: Brentford 3-1 Newcastle

Match report: Nottingham Forest 3-1 Leeds

Match report: Tottenham 2-2 Manchester United

From PSG’s Ibrahim Mbaye to Brazil’s next hope, we select some of the most talented players born in 2008. Check the progress of our classes of 2024 | 2023 | 2022 | 2021 | 2020 | 2019 … and go even further back. Here’s our Premier League class of 2025

We pick the best youngsters at each club born between 1 September 2008 and 31 August 2009, an age band known as first-year scholars. Check the progress of our classes of 2024 | 2023 | 2022 | 2021 | 2020 … and go even further back. Here’s our 2025 world picks

Every deal in the NWSL, WSL, Liga F, Frauen-Bundesliga, Première Ligue and Serie A Femminile as well as a club-by-club guide

• Men’s transfers summer 2025: all the moves