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Eberechi Eze’s hat-trick and Manchester City’s loss to Newcastle means Arsenal are in control of their own destiny

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So it turns out those who had already handed the title to Arsenal were right after all.

It’s absurd, of course, to start handing out the title in November but a feature of modern football is how obsessed it becomes so early with title races. It’s perhaps a legacy of the Pep Guardiola-Jürgen Klopp rivalry’s peak, when being champion meant amassing more than 95 points. It made sense then to scan the track far ahead for any potential hurdles because there were so few. But less than a third of the way through this season, Manchester City, who remain probably the biggest danger to Arsenal, have already dropped as many points as they did in the entirety of 2017-18, their 100-point campaign.

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At the beginning of the season, when Nottingham Forest appeared to have taken on the unwanted mantle of the top-flight’s designated “b@nter club”, Football Daily was one of many media outlets to relentlessly riff on the famous old club’s pain. The reasons for the ridicule were plentiful: the increasingly morose press conferences that led to Nuno Espírito Santo’s dismissal; the infamous Morgan Gibbs-White “hostage video”, where he assured viewers he was being treated well while looking scared in the shadow of an angry Greek man; and the brief, inevitably hilarious reign of managerial shoegazer, Ange Postecoglou. Forest seemed determined to corner the market in amusing, memeable content, long before Scotland offered a different, more heartwarming source of material last week.

How come when teams in the Scottish leagues resort to howling dirty big shys into the box at every opportunity it’s called ‘a pub league’, yet when Aston Villa, Arsenal et al use the same tactic it’s ‘set-piece expertise’?” – Alexander McMillan.

Re: footballers knacking themselves at home (Friday’s Football Daily). Imagine the distress of Portland Timbers fans when, on the eve of a conference semi-final back in 2017, our charismatic Argentinian No 10, Sebastián Blanco, dumped a kettle of boiling water over his foot while preparing some hot mate. They tried everything to treat the second-degree burns, but he (unsurprisingly) wasn’t himself for the rest of the playoffs. Oh Seba!” – Patrick Connolly.

So Manchester City mainstay Fernandinho has hung up his boots aged 40 and blubbed ‘nothing in football motivates me any more … now, it’s time to enjoy time with my family’ (Friday’s News, Bits and Bobs, full email edition). I wonder if that time will include regularly tripping up any family member who passes by and then looking around with a face of offended innocence that anyone might have thought it could possibly have been deliberate? If so, I hope he is motivated to enjoy his retirement as much as he enjoyed winning everything over here” – Colin Reed.

• Guardiola: ‘I apologised after one second’

• ‘Losing four games, we have to improve a lot’

Pep Guardiola has admitted his shame at a dispute with a camera operator after Manchester City’s 2‑1 defeat at Newcastle on Saturday.

At full time the visibly upset City manager entered the St James’ Park pitch and had heated discussions with the referee, Sam Barrott, and Newcastle’s Bruno Guimarães, while also handling the headphones of the camera operator.

The midfielder has made plenty of headlines in the last 26 months but he is finally back gliding across a football field

By Get French Football News

How much can you learn from Paul Pogba’s nine-minute cameo? Perhaps just that he does indeed exist and not only in columns, fitness updates and social media posts. That is where he has existed for the past 26 months, since his final game for Juventus in September 2023: equally at the centre of our gaze and absent from it.

Between his four-year doping ban, reduced to 18 months on appeal, his release from Juventus, and the extortion and kidnapping case that led to his brother being sentenced to three years in prison, his name has been constantly uttered but his face has been rarely seen – at least not on a football pitch.

• Boro pay £250,000 to bring him from Hammarby

• Swansea appoint Matos after missing out on Hellberg

Kim Hellberg has completed his managerial move to Middlesbrough from Hammarby. The 37-year-old Swede, who appeared poised to take charge at Swansea until Boro’s hijacking of that mooted deal, will aim to reinforce a reputation as one of Europe’s brightest emerging coaches.

After securing two consecutive second-place finishes in Sweden’s top tier at Hammarby, Hellberg has become something of a hot property and is tasked with leading second-placed Boro back into the Premier League.

• Pair target of fan anger after team’s poor start to season

• Club’s American owners leading search for replacements

Rangers have announced the sacking of their chief executive, Patrick Stewart, and the sporting director, Kevin Thelwell. The pair have been the target of intense supporter anger after a disastrous start to the season. Rangers won one of their first eight league games and suffered seven consecutive European defeats after a much-criticised summer recruitment drive.

Although domestic form has improved since Danny Röhl replaced Russell Martin as manager last month, Rangers’ American owners, who took over in May, have acted decisively. The chair, Andrew Cavenagh, and vice-chair Parag Marathe are now leading the search for new incumbents “that align with the vision for the next chapter”.

Goalkeeper’s unorthodox tactics got in Inter captain’s head as Allegri’s side held on for all three points at San Siro

It had taken 73 minutes, and a VAR review, but Inter finally had their breakthrough in the Milan derby, the referee, Simone Sozza, pointing to the spot after he saw replays of Strahinja Pavlovic treading on Marcus Thuram’s foot inside the area. Now all that remained was for Hakan Calhanoglu to make the score 1-1.

A formality. Since arriving in Serie A, the Turkey captain had been practically automatic in these situations – scoring 27 out of 28 penalties taken for Inter and three out of three for Milan before that. Entire newspaper columns and late-night TV broadcasts were given over to analysing his infallibility, before he finally smacked one against a post in a draw at home to Napoli last year.

• Arsenal v Chelsea was watched by only 71,000 viewers

• Saturday noon kick-off believed to be a factor in drop-off

The Women’s Super League is concerned about its broadcast slots this season after only 71,000 people watched televised coverage of the flagship fixture between Arsenal and Chelsea this month.

The average audience on Sky Sports Main Event was 55,900 – lower than the 57,000 attendance at the Emirates Stadium – with a further 15,100 viewers tuning in on Sky Sports Premier League. The corresponding fixture last season attracted an audience of 732,000 because it was free-to-air on the BBC and took place during the men’s international break.

Hat-trick against Dortmund showed striker’s instinct and invention as Sebastian Hoeness finds a solution yet again

This had felt like one of those weeks not in which momentum was shifting, but in which it had already shifted. It was ultimately a positive one for Germany; they had entered Monday’s reception of Slovakia, who had beaten them in the teams’ first game in Bratislava, with need of a point and not without some trepidation. Those worries were emphatically scrubbed out in Leipzig, 6-0. It was night and day next to the laboured win in Luxembourg three days before, but those contrasting displays had one thing in common. They were marshalled by the goals and the sang-froid of Nick Woltemade.

That the towering striker was Stuttgart’s for a season feels almost a dream already; a super, surprise single season of future fable to be filed alongside Didier Drogba’s solo campaign at Marseille as he power-walked the path to global domination. Yet if any team in Germany are equipped to deal with sudden, painful personnel losses it is Sebastian Hoeness-era Stuttgart.

Spurs punished for negativity, Dyche’s gameplan downs Liverpool and Wharton’s quality shines through again

• Top scorers: check the latest race for the golden boot

Amid Liverpool’s deepening crisis and the growing scrutiny on Arne Slot, it is only right that Nottingham Forest’s role in it is given some attention and acclaim. Back-to-back league wins at Anfield for the first time since 1963 deserves recognition, as does the willingness of Forest’s players to embrace the gameplan of the third different managerial voice they have heard this season. Sean Dyche’s instructions were implemented to perfection as Liverpool disintegrated. “We changed the tactical side today,” said Forest’s recently appointed manager. “I told the players: ‘We’re not passing it, we are going long, because Liverpool were going to press the life out of you’ – which is exactly what they did at the start. We dealt with that quite well and we mixed it tactically, which is credit to the players.” Forest’s tactics may have been straight out of the Dyche playbook but they were also encouraged, inadvertently, by Slot, who has regularly told opponents how to play his Liverpool team this season. He has meanwhile not found any solutions. Andy Hunter

Match report: Liverpool 0-3 Nottingham Forest

Match report: Newcastle 2-1 Manchester City

Match report: Arsenal 4-1 Tottenham

Barney Ronay: Eze finds his own plane just above ground level

Match report: Leeds 1-2 Aston Villa

Match report: Fulham 1-0 Sunderland

Tottenham manager can afford a midweek defeat in Paris, but the same does not apply to Fulham’s visit on Saturday

Welcome, then, to another of those Spurs weeks, where the executives are deeply concerned and it is impossible to ignore the sense of foreboding. The 4-1 derby humiliation at Arsenal on Sunday ensured the club are playing a game of crisis-baton hot potato with Liverpool and surely the last thing that the manager, Thomas Frank, needs is a Champions League trip to Paris Saint-Germain on Wednesday night.

This is not the real fear because it is just about possible to paint the game against the European champions as a free hit. Even in the best of times, nobody would have expected much from Tottenham there and, with two wins and two draws from four matches in the competition, they can afford to lose this one.

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• Everton manager says United needed rebuild in 2013

• Moyes goes to Old Trafford with United on good run

David Moyes has said he believed Manchester United needed a long-term rebuild when he succeeded Sir Alex Ferguson in 2013 and the subsequent upheaval at Old Trafford represents a departure from the club’s values.

Speaking before Monday’s return to Old Trafford with Everton, Moyes admitted his 11-month spell as United manager “didn’t work for different reasons” but insisted it has been consigned firmly to the past. However, despite inheriting a title-winning squad from Ferguson, Moyes said United’s wait for a 21st league title has come as no great surprise.

• Luis Suárez benched for Matteo Silvetti, who scored twice

• Union’s Supporters’ Shield-winning season ends

Tadeo Allende scored a second-half brace, Lionel Messi scored and picked up three assists and Inter Miami pulled away to a 4-0 victory over FC Cincinnati in Sunday’s MLS Eastern Conference semi-final.

Mateo Silvetti, 19, also had a goal and an assist for No 3 seed Miami, who continue their deepest MLS playoff run in club history by advancing to their first East final. Miami will play NYC FC at home after they beat the Philadelphia Union 1-0 later on Sunday.

• ‘When a player has such a talent, these things happen’

• Frank ‘disappointed’ by Spurs’ performance in 4-1 loss

Mikel Arteta credited Eberechi Eze for adding an “aura” to the Arsenal team after he scored the first hat-trick of his career to haunt Tottenham and send Arsenal six points clear at the top of the Premier League.

Eze was close to joining Spurs from Crystal Palace in the summer before they were gazumped by their north London rivals and the England international made them pay after Leandro Trossard had opened the scoring.

Five defeats in six and the anxiety is beginning to show for Leeds. For the second game in a row they took an early lead through Lukas Nmecha but ended up with nothing, Morgan Rogers producing a pair of remarkable finishes to lift Aston Villa into the Champions League qualification slots. Leeds remain in the relegation zone.

“Performance-wise we’ve turned back to what we want to be,” said Daniel Farke. “We should’ve taken some points from this game. We are not back to our best. We can still improve, but at the end we are just disappointed we did not get any points.” Given the way Leeds faded in the second half and their lack of guile throughout, that was perhaps an overly sanguine reading.

It was an unguarded comment from an Arsenal official and it came shortly after Eberechi Eze’s mural outside the Emirates Stadium had been defaced with white paint – presumably by a Tottenham fan. It summed up the snark between the clubs and Arsenal’s delight at pipping their rivals to Eze’s signature from Crystal Palace at the end of August. “We sign a top-class forward for £60m. They throw paint at walls.”

Eze’s mural has since been redone; it now has a caption to reinforce the storyline about the boyhood Arsenal fan coming back to his club after being released as a youngster. “All roads lead home.” So it did not need a joke from Thomas Frank on Friday to set up Eze v Spurs. “Who’s Eze?” the Spurs manager had said; a classic of the fate-tempting genre.

More than two years of redevelopment at the storied ground later, feelings of relief and comfort greeted Barça’s return to time-honoured turf

There was no sign of Laszlo Kubala or Johan Cruyff, their statues still safely packed in storage, and Lionel Messi had sneaked in alone under cover of darkness a fortnight before but FC Barcelona’s current players were finally back at the Camp Nou as 45,157 fans and a handful of men in high-vis jackets and hard hats watched them return home 909 days later. It was like old times.

Athletic Club, ideal guests, had not won here in 30 matches and after two years away they didn’t win this time either, the last of four goals conceded soon followed by fireworks on an afternoon of reunion.

The England forward has made a decent start to his Emirates career but this performance was stick-it-on-a-mural stuff

Has there ever been a softer, more delicate act of derby day brutality than this, a hat-trick in a 4-1 win where every goal must have felt like being bludgeoned to death with a feather‑light Parisian macaron?

Eberechi Eze’s third goal, the killer, the legend-maker, was the funniest, and also the most telling. It was made by a thrust down the left, and by Leandro Trossard’s smart pass. But it was made as an aesthetic by Destiny Udogie falling over, not because of any real act of trickery, but because Eze stopped suddenly, out there in the middle of all that heat and light, taking the ball on the edge of the Spurs box and simply ceasing to move, like a squirrel on a branch.

Eze will always remember his derby debut while Bentancur was one of many Spurs players who had a day to forget

David Raya Barely touched the ball as Arsenal dominated. Will be disappointed to have been caught napping by Richarlison. 6

A pension-pot World Cup looms and with Trump in the White House and a crown prince at his back, it is now a safe space

It was hard to choose one favourite photo from football’s double-header at the White House this week. In part this is because the pictures from Donald Trump’s state dinner with Mohammed bin Salman and his in-house hype men Cristiano Ronaldo and Gianni Infantino were everywhere, recycled feverishly across the internet, dusted with their own drool-stained commentary by the wider Ronaldo-verse.

Mainly there were just so many jaw-droppers. Perhaps you liked the one of Trump and Ronaldo strolling the halls of power, Ronaldo dressed all in black and laughing uproariously, like a really happy ninja. Or the one of Ronaldo and Georgina Rodríguez standing either side of a weirdly beaming Trump at his desk, holding up some kind of large heraldic key as though they’ve just been presented with their own wind-up wooden sex-grandad.

New manager can’t arrest slide in 4-1 defeat at Birmingham which leaves Canaries five points adrift of safety

When the ball came to Kenny McLean near the halfway line, few imagined what would unfold next, even with the goalkeeper caught in two minds and no-man’s land. This time however, in stark contrast to Tuesday’s heroics at Hampden Park, the self-proclaimed Mayor of Norwich was dispossessed by a hungry opponent and the home team’s fourth goal confirmed victory.

McLean may have returned to Norfolk slightly the worse for wear, understandably, after scoring against Denmark from the centre circle to clinch Scotland’s place in the World Cup finals. But while his concession of possession to Demarai Gray on Saturday, leading to the perfect through ball for Jay Stansfield to round off this 4-1 win for Birmingham, epitomised Norwich’s back-foot performance at St Andrew’s, he is far from the main culprit of their extended plight near the foot of the Championship.

A number of big-money signings, promising talents and club legends are struggling to make their mark

By WhoScored

A £50m signing from Manchester City, Raheem Sterling was once a declaration of ambition by Chelsea but he is now lost in the £1.4bn of talent that has arrived since. It is easy to forget that Sterling was the first of 50 signings under the club’s owners.

• Ernst Tanner was subject of Guardian investigation

• Complaint alleged racist, sexist, and homophobic comments

• Tanner denies allegations, which initial MLS investigation did not corroborate

• Read our full investigation | Summary of our findings

Major League Soccer announced on Wednesday that it is re-opening its investigation into Philadelphia Union sporting director Ernst Tanner. The Union said in a statement to the Guardian that they have placed Tanner on administrative leave. The move comes a day after the Guardian published an investigation into Tanner’s conduct.

Tanner had previously been under investigation by MLS after the league received a complaint from the MLS Players Association in late January. In it, the MLSPA outlined a wide range of alleged issues surrounding Tanner, which included the use of racist, sexist and homophobic language and instances of inappropriate physical contact with a staff member.

Made multiple misogynistic comments, including saying “women don’t belong in men’s soccer” about a female MLS referee and telling a gathering of academy players that they “should never worry about a referee, unless she’s a woman.”

Directed a homophobic slur at an MLS referee in 2023

Spoke about Black players “like they were subhuman” and suggested that Black referees “lack intelligence and capability.”

Touched a co-worker inappropriately “numerous times,” an allegation for which he was reported to the Union’s HR department.

Hired an underqualified coach who was allegedly abusive toward players on the Philadelphia Union II, the club’s reserve team that is used as a proving ground for young players from its thriving academy.

• Draw with Curaçao ends automatic qualification hope

• He says team need ‘new energy and different perspective’

Steve McClaren has resigned as Jamaica’s head coach after a goalless draw with Curaçao ended the team’s hopes of automatic World Cup qualification and left them in March’s intercontinental playoffs.

Jamaica needed a win but hit the woodwork three times in the second half as Curaçao became the smallest country by population to win a berth at the World Cup finals. McClaren’s side finished second in Group B of Concacaf qualifying despite being the favourites.

• Tiny Caribbean nation hold on for crucial point in Kingston

• Haiti also book improbable place at next year’s tournament

The tiny Caribbean nation of Curaçao became the smallest country ever to qualify for the World Cup, as Haiti booked a place for the first time in 52 years and Panama their second appearance in three tournaments.

In a nerve-shredding finale to the Concacaf qualifying campaign, Curaçao – with a population of just 156,000 – squeeze into next year’s finals in the United States, Canada and Mexico with a 0-0 draw against Jamaica in Kingston. The outcome prompted Steve McClaren to resign as Jamaica’s coach even though the team could reach the World Cup via the intercontinental playoffs.

• KC Current forward scored 15 goals in 23 games

• Washington’s McKeown wins defender of the year

Kansas City Current forward Temwa Chawinga won the National Women’s Soccer League’s Most Valuable Player Award for the second straight year Wednesday after leading the league’s top team in goals this season.

Chawinga is the first player to win MVP in consecutive seasons. Although she was sidelined after adductor injury to her right leg in October, Chawinga also won the NWSL’s Golden Boot with 15 goals and three assists over 23 matches.

Steve Clarke’s history-making team have a ferocious work ethic that should typify what Scotland stands for

It was not a time for calm reflection. Kenny McLean had just lobbed Kasper Schmeichel from the halfway line. Limbs. Unbridled, unfiltered joy.

On one outrageous Hampden Park night McLean, Kieran Tierney and Scott McTominay relegated Archie Gemmill’s stupendous solo effort against the Netherlands in 1978 to merely the fourth best Scotland goal of all time. Zinedine Zidane’s volley for Real Madrid in Hampden’s Champions League final of 2002? A mere tap‑in by comparison.

Troy Parrott’s last-gasp goal and DR Congo’s triumph proved once again why the best soccer is almost never about the soccer

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Last Thursday, Irish football was in a bleak place. They had two games remaining in World Cup qualifying and apparently no hope of making it to North America next summer. Another campaign had collapsed in predictable ways: they couldn’t score, they made bafflingly simple errors, too few of their players play for elite sides and those that do seemed unable to reproduce club form for their country.

Their one possible star, Evan Ferguson, had not been energised by a move to Roma – quite the reverse – and although there was vague talk of a new contract for their manager, the amiable Icelandic dentist Heimir Hallgrímsson, everybody thought he would be off after the game in Hungary and was vaguely dreading another Football Association of Ireland recruitment saga, which would inevitably take months, throw up a series of implausible names and result in the job being given to Hallgrímsson’s assistant, John O’Shea.

World Cup could still be in reach for the last genius of Brazilian football who has faded to a shadow of his former self

What’s your favourite Neymar advert? This is a tough question to answer. The body of work is huge and varied. The foot deodorant ad perhaps, which depicts Neymar’s feet literally on fire, ablaze with some kind of divine eau de toenail.

Or the new one for a brand of açaí berry death-gloop sorbet product, which shows Neymar holding up twin cones, like phials of luminous unicorn-sperm, and looking as though he’s just been hit over the head with a rock and it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to him.

On the bench in Madrid and out of the England squad, the full-back has no one to fight his corner – so will have to do it himself

“He chose to start from zero. To keep showing up, day by day. It was about respect, courage and a genuine desire to belong. What I saw was a person growing beyond himself. In football, words can build trust, connection, identity. That is what true professionalism really looks like.” Well, at least someone is pleased with Trent Alexander-Arnold’s progress at Real Madrid. Unfortunately, it happens to be Sara Duque, his language teacher.

When Alexander-Arnold filmed a video in hesitant but really very good Spanish for Duque’s Instagram page, it’s fair to say it wasn’t received entirely in the spirit of pride and achievement it was intended. Very quickly, internet auditors started to do the maths. Alexander-Arnold claimed to have been learning Spanish for five months, which meant he must have started in May, when – gasp – he was still under contract at Liverpool. Rat, scum, traitor, etc. Perhaps, judging by how well he spoke at his unveiling in June, he had been under Duque’s tutelage even earlier. All of which brought to mind the old Frank Skinner joke (although others have claimed it) about John Lennon airport. A fitting tribute, seeing as it was the first place he went after making a bit of cash.

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The former Liverpool and Osasuna player on his coaching journey, redemption in Spain and working with Sven-Göran Eriksson

“I went to a very good school, believe it or not. A grammar school. We had Spanish lessons, but I didn’t take Spanish. I thought: ‘What’s a hairy-arsed kid from the Liverpool ghetto going to need that for?’ And lo and behold …”

It’s late in Bilbao, back in the country that changed him, and a glass of wine rests on the table in front of Sammy Lee, who is grinning again. It’s been an emotional evening and a long night: a lot of laughs, some tears too, talking life at Liverpool and the life that came next. “For me, it’s about coaching even more than playing,” the European champion and former England assistant says. “And that started here.”

Caribbean island nation is the smallest to reach the finals tournament after appointing the wily coach and drawing on diaspora

The delay in Dick Advocaat becoming Curaçao’s head coach might have been ominous but instead it was the foundation for glory. Frustrated by the national federation’s financial problems, he deferred starting until January 2024, when the problems were resolved and players paid, paving the way for a historic World Cup qualifying campaign.

Curaçao will be the smallest nation – by land area and population – to play at the World Cup after their 0-0 draw in Jamaica on Wednesday. The Caribbean island has a population of 156,000, sinking the previous record holders, Iceland, which has about 400,000 inhabitants. Last month Cape Verde were confirmed as surprise tournament debutants but the African nation is almost 10 times bigger by area than the former Dutch colony, indicating the level of achievement by Advocaat and his squad.

FA crackdown has led to the suspension of 149 match officials and more than 1,000 players in push to restore public faith in the game

Everything in Turkish football, it seemed, was going too well. Galatasaray have been flying in the Champions League, powered by Victor Osimhen. Arda Güler is soaring at Real Madrid with goals and assists. Even the men’s national team, under Vincenzo Montella, have looked their most promising in years.

But it would not be Turkish football without drama and drama is what the hardline president of the Turkish Football Federation (TFF), İbrahim Hacıosmanoğlu, has delivered.

In an exclusive extract from her autobiography, goalkeeper reveals the painful road to her shock England exit

England felt like such a safe space for me. It was usual to have a team review after a big tournament and after the Euros in 2022 we came together in the Club England meeting room at St George’s Park, the team’s headquarters.

The emotional security that I felt within England was bolstered by the culture and values that had underpinned and contributed to our success. Non-collegiate behaviour was not tolerated. We came back together to the news that Hannah Hampton had been dropped from the squad: her behaviour behind the scenes at the Euros had frequently risked derailing training sessions and team resources.

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Cole Palmer, who is set for another cold spell on the sidelines after stubbing and breaking a toe at home, is not the first footballer to bizarrely knack themselves in a domestic incident. Michael Stensgaard arrived at Liverpool as suitable understudy to David James in 1994 but the goalkeeper never made an appearance after dislocating a shoulder when setting up an ironing board. In a plot twist that Armando Iannuci and Steve Coogan seem to have overlooked while writing I’m Alan Partridge in the 1990s, Dave Beasant severed the tendon in a big toe in 1993 after dropping a bottle of salad cream. And the advent of electric toothbrushes didn’t come quick enough for Fulham legend Alan Mullery, who once put his back out overzealously tending to his gnashers and consequently missed England’s tour of the Americas in 1964. After falling out of Alf Ramsey’s favour, Mullery didn’t play again for his country until … 1967, missing a certain tournament.

It’s always amusing to read the England banners when an Ashes Test is on here in Australia, especially as they often proclaim allegiance to an English (or Welsh) football club while attending a totally different sporting event. On the other hand, I can understand the Dronfield Owls and the prominent Sheffield United contingent preferring to be in Perth rather than at their bottom-of-the-table derby on Sunday. I wonder if they’ll get together to watch it after the third day’s play? Could make England’s batting look acceptable” – Trevor Townson.

D!ck Advocaat managing Curaçao to GWC qualification! Is there any other football success that matches this drink-related combination?” – Richard Barker [draw Scotland and you could have a Bru-Curaçao cocktail? – Football Daily Ed].

Was the AK-47 part of the photoshoot or had Andy Cole just equipped himself with a suitable level of protection to head to the insalubrious environs of the Tuxedo Princess afterwards (yesterday’s Memory Lane, full email edition)? When its sister ship, the Tuxedo Royale, first docked in Boro circa 2000, many patrons (including me) flocked onboard to enjoy the combined treats of 25p shots and a rotating dance floor” – Martin Clifford.

On the subject of being comprehensively outplayed by professionals (Football Daily letters passim), in our final season my decidedly amateur five-a-side team had a tough pair of back-to-back matches, including a grudge match against our local rivals. A mate called in a ringer, describing him as ‘someone from work’ and tapping his nose in the way of a panto villain suggesting skulduggery. Said ringer utterly bossed both games – marshalling the defence, laying on three assists and two goals across the fixtures, running at a full sprint the entire time and causing both opposing teams to complain to the competition organisers that we’d hired a professional. The ringer objected both times, swearing he’d never been a professional footballer with such vehemence that even our closest rivals believed him. In the pub afterwards, the truth came out: he’d had a few seasons as a referee in the A-League Men, the peak of flamin’ Australian football. First time I’ve ever seen a ref be named man of the match, but nobody could say he didn’t deserve it” – Adam Osborne.

Gotham are underdogs against a potent Spirit side but they have the talent and resilience to cause another upset

At the close of quintessential NWSL playoffs rife with last-minute goals and upsets, the eighth-placed underdogs Gotham FC will face second-placed Washington Spirit for the trophy. Both teams have won the NWSL Championship once before: the Spirit in 2021 and Gotham two years later. Washington are the likely favourites, but Gotham’s talent cannot be discounted.

As we look forward to Saturday night in San Jose, here are a few key battles that could decide the game.

Vancouver Rise were crowned Canada’s first champions of the new professional league which has exceeded expectations in terms of tickets sold and viewing figures

In the words of Christine Sinclair, the all-time international top scorer for men or women: “What a difference a year makes.” On Saturday at BMO Field in Toronto, Vancouver Rise became the first champions of the inaugural Northern Super League season. It was a triumphant conclusion to a history-making campaign that has set the ball rolling for professional women’s football in Canada.

In front of 12,429 spectators, Anja Heiner-Møller’s side put on a display of perseverance to claw their way back to win 2-1 against AFC Toronto, the winners of the regular season’s Supporters’ Shield. A half-hour lightning break and deluge of rain did little to stunt the quality on show on the pitch and the enthusiasm off it.

Bellingham’s dramatic 95th-minute bicycle kick prompted an unfettered outpouring of emotion for England fans

How vociferously are you allowed to celebrate a goal as a 30-year-old? This was the only thing that tempered my jubilation on 30 June 2024, a moral quandary amid the elation, the beer sweat, the tears.

As I dragged my heavy legs away from the Greenwich beer garden which that day became a golden English garden, having inadvertently collided with my friend’s chin while celebrating Jude Bellingham’s brilliant bicycle kick, I was hit with a pang of shame.

Has this been the best international break in living memory? For Ireland and Scotland fans, it will take some beating. Max Rushden is joined by Barry Glendenning, Paul Watson and Seb Hutchinson to look back on it all, and ahead to the return of the Premier League

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On today’s pod, the panelists extol what must be one of the most drama-packed international breaks in years. Max Rushden, Barry Glendenning, Paul Watson and Seb Hutchinson enjoyed every minute of it from last-minute winners and multi-goal pile-ups to minnows on the verge of qualification.

Plus: chants celebrating old memories, Trevor Wood from Jersey and ‘a Genghis Khan-like thick moustache’

• Mail us with your questions and answers

“England qualified for the World Cup in perfect style, winning all eight games without conceding a goal,” writes Charlie Wilson. “How many teams have done this?”

This isn’t the first time England have qualified for a World Cup without conceding a goal. They did the same ahead of Italia 90 – but three of their six group games were 0-0 draws and they might not have qualified had Poland’s Rysard Tarasiewicz scored in the last minute of their final game in Chorzow. Instead his heatseeker hit the crossbar and England were through.

Switzerland (A) 5-0

Wales (H) 12-0

Wales (A) 12-0

Croatia (A) 7-0

Croatia (H) 8-0

Switzerland (H) 11-0

Chelsea lose ground in title race at Liverpool while Arsenal struggle to find their shooting boots

When Alyssa Thompson fired in a superb ninth-minute opener, Chelsea looked on course for another routine win. However, Liverpool’s defence held firm and the Reds levelled in the 33rd minute and held out until half-time. The Chelsea manager, Sonia Bompastor, introduced further attacking options in the second half, including Lauren James and Aggie Beever-Jones, but a solid defensive display from Liverpool ensured Chelsea were unable to find a winner as the hosts earned their second point of the season. Although the result did mean Chelsea set a record of 34 successive unbeaten WSL games, clearly all is not well with the defending champions. Last season they had 27 points after nine games and led the way, this campaign they have eight fewer and are three points behind Manchester City. Réshma Rao

Match report: Tottenham 0-0 Arsenal

From PSG’s Ibrahim Mbaye to Brazil’s next hope, we select some of the most talented players born in 2008. Check the progress of our classes of 2024 | 2023 | 2022 | 2021 | 2020 | 2019 … and go even further back. Here’s our Premier League class of 2025

We pick the best youngsters at each club born between 1 September 2008 and 31 August 2009, an age band known as first-year scholars. Check the progress of our classes of 2024 | 2023 | 2022 | 2021 | 2020 … and go even further back. Here’s our 2025 world picks

Every deal in the NWSL, WSL, Liga F, Frauen-Bundesliga, Première Ligue and Serie A Femminile as well as a club-by-club guide

• Men’s transfers summer 2025: all the moves